Depression

de·pres·sion
dəˈpreSH(ə)n/
noun
  1. 1.
    feelings of severe despondency and dejection.
    “self-doubt creeps in and that swiftly turns to depression”

The dictionary definition of depression is so simplistic, that it’s really almost laughable to me.  The thing is clinical depression is so much more complicated than that.  It’s not just a feeling of dejection, but a feeling that nothing is or ever will be good again.  It’s the feeling that nothing is quite right, and there is nothing that you can do to change or fix it.  It’s the feeling that you are bothersome, a burden and that you can’t really do anything right.

One of the problems with all mental illnesses is that society still treats the as a character flaw.  It is difficult for me, as a person with depression to acknowledge it with the same severity and concern as I would if say I developed a fever or even with the same consideration as my ankle sprain.  It feels embarrassing to say “I’m having a depressive flare right now.”  It feels defeating to say, I can’t shake this.

When I was first diagnosed with depression it was thought to be a direct result of the abusive environment in which I was inhabiting.  Indeed when the stress was lifted and the abuse removed, the depressive symptoms really dissipated and for a long time, I was really stable.   It’s really been a struggle to accept the depression this time, as for all intents and purposes I am really in a good place.  Am I just an ungrateful and entitled Millennial snowflake who can’t appreciate the things she has???

My medical team says “No.”

They have repeatedly educated me on the fact that Depression is a real medical condition, as is diabetes, hypothyroidism, cancer.  Depression has known biological causes and can’t be treated by willpower alone.   It often requires the combination of medical treatment, with therapies and other alternative treatments to be managed….

Not cured.

Managed…. Talk about depressing.

So it happened that today I came across this quote from the Anxiety and Depression Associaton of America, and something really stuck out to me.

Most people feel anxious or depressed at times. Losing a loved one, getting fired from a job, going through a divorce, and other difficult situations can lead a person to feel sad, lonely, scared, nervous, or anxious. These feelings are normal reactions to life’s stressors.

But some people experience these feelings daily or nearly daily for no apparent reason, making it difficult to carry on with normal, everyday functioning. These people may have an anxiety disorder, depression, or both.

~Source: https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/depression

Did you see it?

FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

Which is why this is such a difficult illness to deal with and manage, because it can express itself even when there is no “reason.”

When I initially started this blog, I didn’t intend for it to chronicle the ups and downs of mental illness.  However, I think that as my blog is about my journey and rise to authorship it is only fitting that I share the entirety of the evolution of self that I am undergoing.

~Lenora

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